My insurance company and rehab coordinator have decided that – according to their schedules – it is time to start “preparing me for job hunting”. That's the phrase they use, but I was left with booklets on advance job hunting techniques and my rehab coordinator did up a general resume for me and emailed it to me. This feels more like pushing to me. I reminded my coordinator that I am not mentally in a place where I can consider looking for work; I'm just not ready. She assured me that this is just to “prepare” me and asked me to review interview techniques, etc.
I tried. I opened the booklets and tried perusing them, but my brain is screaming “la la la la la, I can't hear you!” Anxiety and stress are major factors in current disability and this just increased my anxiety levels tenfold. PTSD, depression and anxiety disorders are all mental illnesses. Unlike broken bones or other physical injuries, there is no timetable for recovery. You can't just look at a calendar and assume that in “x” number of weeks I should be job hunting and back in the workforce. I'm undergoing psychotherapy and physiotherapy; I'm cooperating and jumping through all the required hoops which is stressful enough.
When will I be ready? I don't know. I'll be ready when I'm ready ... if ever. I still consider my disability to be temporary, but it's not unusual for someone in my condition to be permanently disabled. All I know is that if they push me back before I am ready it may very well backfire and result in permanent disability. I don't think anybody really wants that.
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